SEX - poetry play

Sorry, I am not going to write about sex. not yet, though this is a big room to clean out of my house. I just wanted to get your attention. this is a letter to my friends, this is a l’abri essay, a love-letter to god, and some thoughts that are running through my brain and filling the papers of my journal… 

writing saved me*it is a part of me*vacuuming the house with katy perry in my ears after prayer meeting*praying is strong and intense*mondays are making me feel vulnerable*philip yancey says that prayer and sex are related – they are both intimacy, but overglamourized activities*be quiet and communicate*it’s more about relationship than technique*jesus went away from the crowds to pray to set him free and to make him strong to face the temptations of the world*i never listened to katy perry though I was at a short showcase in zuerich where she had a peacock dress and I saw her in paris at a shoe store opening where we had a quick chat*she is a pastors daughter, so is kanye west, and so was the young french guy who had to leave l’abri just when we became friends*it seems that pastors kids are rebellious*who isn’t?*I never knew any*we all face temptation and many lost control*fog is rising from the valley and covers us in white, the mountains are disappearing, are we going to heaven?*not yet, because god puts us at work*will we sleep in heaven and what will happen to our dreams?*wake up before you all bury them and lose yourself forever*”teenage dreams: the way you turn me on. don’t ever look back, let’s get all the way tonight, no regrets, just love”sings katy. “we can dance until we die”*I danced the nights as there would be no tomorrow*forever young*a longing for innocence, which got lost too early*paradise seems far away*life as a neverending party*the search for the irrational experience*a driven life full of adventures*disappointed expectations buried under a red carpet*no regrets*the admiring look of a young guy*a desperate search for love*constructing a pile of guilt*the american lifestyle*perception of freedom: driving a big car, jacuzzis, in’n’out burgers after surfing, tattooing flames on my leg and piercing my lips*california love*”california knows how to party…in that sunshine state…. the city of sex” 2pac is dead*we live in an oversexed world*the loss of shame scares me*what benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? those things result in deathromans 6:21*my dream was to die while having sex*in heaven there will be neither death nor sex*I guess  I am ok with that*when the dead come back to life, they don’t marry. rather, they are like the angels in heavenmark 12:25*the tattoo on a young mans arm in the train to montreux saying “only god can judge you”*do not judge or you will be judgedmatthew 7:1*who do you see in the mirror?*do you see the person god wants you to be or do you see the person shaped by society and by expectations of family and friends?*now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known1 corinthians 13:12*what is friendship all about and who do you want me to be?*do I have to fit your box to keep you in control?*does it make you feel comfortable in putting a label on me?*or is there any chance for change?*I am begging for space to spread my wings, I am not the bird in the cage anymore, where I locked myself up*I am not blaming you*how can you know me when I am getting to know myself?*what is a friend?*”after becoming a christian you will lose half of your friends”k. is reading from a book*I don’t replace people anymore*what is love?*god is love and his living water will never run dry*many hearts turn to stone and hope has left*I have chosen  the painful truth*god has the key to unlock our hearts*I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them. I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh ezekiel 11:19*I have one identity and it’s a release*forgiveness in greek means liberate and release*we all need forgiveness and salvation*only god can set us free*writing saved my life*I don’t like the person in my diaries*she is a stranger*but god wants me to embrace her*I see him holding this young red-haired girl in his arms and I see him taking this young woman who called herself venus by the hand*god loves tina, god loves venus, I read on a card by a friend while tears are rolling down my cheeks*no more divisions inside myself*my studybook and my diary become one*no secrets anymore, no more lies*meet the stranger in yourself before he will overpower you*satan means accuser in hebrew*don’t accuse strange people because of their brokenness*do you call me crazy?*I never felt more real before*jesus was claimed either mad or bad or godsays c. s. lewis*I am none of those*not a capitol “I” anymore but a truer self*polarization is not a foreign word to me*people like to talk, especially about others, as they wouldn’t have anything else to tell*prejudgments seem to make people secure and no one likes to be confused nowadays*do we chose what is harming us only because we are used to it?*who do you trust?*who do you follow?*having a buddha on the shelf and singing OM at yoga class is trendy*having jesus on the wall seems to provoke outrage*I do meditate and buddha was a wise man*no escapes in emptiness*I like community*and buddha couldn’t save me*oh god, how I love your law! I meditate on it all day longpsalm 119:97*I was claimed a trendscout*we live in a fallen world*the age of cynicism is rising*how long will they play on the stage of their own reality?*superficiality*vanity of vanities. all is vanityecclesiastes 1:2*the world turned into a vanity fair*I haven’t read the newspaper in months*too much information in my brain*trying to balance between the left and the right*masks are crumbling like the wall between east and west germany*what is an artist without his audience?*what is a lier without justification?*the clouds are getting darker over switzerland*in hell everybody will be at an infinite distance from everybody else c.s. lewis is writing*we’re on the way*darkness is getting darker, the light is getting brighter*I don’t need my sunglasses anymore*whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life john 8:12*do we go out to see people or that people see us?*”you can’t please everyone” kutti mc said to me*we are related and distinct*possessed by perfection*lost souls are wandering around without any guidance waiting to explode like cooking pots sitting on the fire for too long*do you hate me?*if the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first john 15:18*what is love?*how can we truly give without expecting when we are stuck in our self-centredness and in a constant battle of losing*capitol “I” and capitol “ZERO”*desperate victims of themselves, feared of loneliness, holding on to every little branch and pride is keeping them away from honesty*love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud 1 corinthians 13:4*loving your enemies is a real challenge*if you love those who love you, what reward will you get?matthew 5:46*unconditional love can drive out fear*love is a business nowadays*why did we never take money after a one night stand, or received?*precious moments at l’abri*prophetic dreams are tiring and feel like a burden*I want to see my friends in heaven*there is not a lot of good christian music*so many stories and struggles*christians wear g-strings*we learn from each other*we grow together*we share thoughts, laughter, tears*food is fantastic, I taste the love*a friends dad died in 911*my 28thbirthday turned out to be one of the sadest days in history*I am so sorry my friend and I pray for your forgiveness*the preparations for the jazzfestival in montreux*memories of concerts*ice-t*jamiroquai*beastie boys*the loss of a friend, five years ago I saw her the last time at the lake*adam yauch recently died from cancer*a part of my “sabotage” teenage years left with the beastie boys*thank you for the music*AMEN

L’Abri Switzerland 2012

Katy Perry, Kaufleuten, Zürich, Switzerland 2010

Katy Perry, Kaufleuten, Zürich, Switzerland 2010